The Neatest Little Paper Ever Read ®

Issue 974


Puns for Fun!

A good pun is its own reword.

Energizer Bunny arrested; charged with battery.

A man’s home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

A pessimist’s blood type is always B-negative.

My wife really likes to make pottery, but to me it’s just kiln time.

Dijon vu: The same mustard as before.

I fired my masseuse today. She just rubbed me the wrong way.

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.

Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.

I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.

I used to be a lumberjack, but I just couldn’t hack it, so they gave me the ax.

Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.

Corduroy pillows make headlines.

Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?

Sea captains don’t like crew cuts.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.

Acupuncture is a jab well done.
Quotes on patience:

Patience: “The quality you admire in the driver behind you but can’t stand in the driver who’s in front of you.”

I had my patience tested. I’m negative.”

Protest sign: “What do we Want? PATIENCE. When do we Want it? NOW!”
Little Emily was at her first wedding and gaped at the entire ceremony. When it was over, she asked her mother, “Why did the lady change her mind?” Her mother asked, “What do you mean?” “Well, she went down the aisle with one man and came back with another one.”

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