The Neatest Little Paper Ever Read ®

Issue 974

LOL

Joe and Bill are working in a saw mill when Bill accidentally saws his arm off. Joe takes the arm, puts it in a plastic bag, and takes Joe to hospital. The next day, Joe finds Bill in rehab playing tennis. Wow, the wonders of modern science,”

Joe says. They go back to the saw mill and are sawing away when this time clumsy Bill cuts his leg. Joe takes the leg, puts it in a plastic bag, and sends Bill to the hospital. The next day, Joe finds Bill playing football. “Wow, the wonders of modern science,” Joe says.

They go back to work and this time Bill leans too far forward and cuts his head off. Joe takes the head, puts it in a plastic bag and rushes to the hospital. The next day, Joe visits and finds no sign of Bill. “Where’s Bill?” he asks an orderly. “

We could have saved him,” the orderly replied, “but some idiot put his head in a plastic bag – and the poor guy suffocated.”

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A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. The man got up and went to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, was asking for a push.

“Not a chance,” said the husband, “it is 3:00 am in the morning!” He slammed the door and returned to bed.

“Who was that?” asked his wife.

“Just some drunk guy asking for a push.”

“Did you help him?” she asked.

“No, I did not, it’s 3 am in the morning and its pouring rain out there.”

“Well, you have a short memory,” said his wife. “Can’t you remember about three months ago when we broke down and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself! God loves drunk people too you know.” The man did as he was told, got dressed, and went out into the driving rain. Now soaking wet, he called out into the dark, “Hello, are you still there?”

“Yes!” came an answer from the dark.

“You still need a push?”

“Yes, please!”

“Where are you?”

“Over here on the swing,” replied the drunk.