The Neatest Little Paper Ever Read ®

Issue 974

LOL

One night, a daughter brought her boyfriend home to meet her parents. Upon first sight, the parents were astounded and appalled by his appearance – leather jacket, motorcycle boots, tattoos, and a pierced nose (and tongue they found out later at dinner).

At a discreet time, the parents pulled their daughter aside, and diplomatically told Candi, “We are not sure about him; he doesn’t seem very nice.”

“Oh please, Mom,” replied the blonde daughter, “if he wasn’t nice, why would he be doing 500 hours of community service?”

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While working in the psychology department at a local college, I was asked to enlarge a chart for a meeting. I called the copy room and asked, “Can I get something blown up down there?” After a pause, the voice on the line replied, “I think you want the chemistry lab.”

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A group of Congressmen was playing a trivia board game one night. When it was one representative’s turn, he rolled the dice and landed on “Science & Nature.” His question was, “If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?” The Congressman thought for a moment and then asked, “Is it on or off?”

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Wisdom in a line or two:

• Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life out of nowhere, makes your heart race, and changes you forever. We call those people cops.

• Three hardest things to say: 1. I’m sorry; 2. I was wrong; 3. Worcestershire sauce

• If you answer the phone with, “Hello? You’re on the air!” most telemarketers will hang up.

• When I ask for directions, please don’t use words like “east.”

• When someone asks you, “A penny for your thoughts,” and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?

• If you’re bored, go to the mall, find a parking spot, and sit in your car with the reverse lights on.

• The best thing about freedom of speech is you can know who the idiots are.

For more good clean humor visit www.mikeysfunnies.com