Display until March 24, 2015
The Neatest Little Paper Ever Read ®
Some pretty good one-liners:
Someone stole my Microsoft Office, and they’re gonna pay – you have my Word.
My wife accused me of being immature. I told her to get out of my fort!
We have a genetic predisposition for diarrhea – it runs in our jeans.
Someone in Chicago gets shot every day. I feel sorry for the fella.
Why did the scarecrow get a raise? He was outstanding in his field.
What do you call a woman on the arm of a banjo player? A tattoo.
The sign said, “Psychic – Call for an Appointment!” Shouldn’t she know when I would be there?
I took the shell off my racing snail thinking it would make him run faster. If anything, it made him more sluggish.
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program, licensing fee, and special tax form.
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
Terminal Illness: When you get sick at the airport.
I try my best to be modest, and I do a pretty good job of it. Makes me proud.
Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of.
Artificial Intelligence usually beats authentic stupidity.
A clean desk is the sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Be nice to your kids; they’ll choose your nursing home.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
Parallel lines have so much in common; it’s a shame they’ll never meet.
I told my girlfriend a joke about the ceiling. She didn’t get it – it was over her head.
Have you noticed that your belly button is the only button you can’t unbutton?