The Neatest Little Paper Ever Read ®

Issue 974


Christmas Humor

“Christmas is a time when kids tell Santa what they want and adults pay for it. Deficits are when adults tell the government what they want and their kids pay for it.” – Richard Lamm, former Governor of Colorado

“Oh, for the good old days when people would stop Christmas shopping when they ran out of money.” – Author unknown

“Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.” – Dave Barry, humor columnist

“Three phrases that sum up Christmas are: Peace on Earth, Goodwill to Men, and Batteries not Included.” – English Proverb

“I once bought my kids a set of batteries with a note, toy not included.” – Bernard Manning

“Christmas is the season when you buy this year’s gifts with next year’s money.” – Author Unknown

“Once again, we find ourselves enmeshed in the Holiday Season, that very special time of year when we join with our loved ones in sharing centuries-old traditions such as trying to find a parking space at the mall. We traditionally do this in my family by driving around the parking lot until we see a shopper emerge from the mall, then we follow her, in very much the same spirit as the Three Wise Men, who 2,000 years ago followed a star, week after week, until it led them to a parking space.” – Dave Barry

“When you stop believing in Santa Claus is when you start getting clothes for Christmas.” – Unknown

“Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.” – Unknown

“What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.” – Phyllis Diller

“There is no limit to the amount of company time I can spend looking for a Christmas gift online.” – Unknown

“Pretending to believe in the Mayan apocalypse prophecy is a great way to get out of buying Christmas presents.” Unknown.