The Neatest Little Paper Ever Read ®

Issue 974


Students are smiling because school is almost out for the summer! Here’s some school humor to ease the pain of final exams.

• CNN Reports from JFK Airport in New York: At John F. Kennedy International Airport today, a Caucasian male (later discovered to be a high school mathematics teacher) was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a compass, a protractor, and a graphical calculator. According law enforcement officials, he is believed to have ties to the Al-Gebra network. He will be charged with carrying weapons of math instruction.

• A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline. His Personal Psychic Advisor tells him, “You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you.” The frog is thrilled, “This is great! Will I meet her at a party?” “No,” says his advisor, “in her biology class.”

• I learned this in school today: Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.

• Me: I Wish I had been born 1000 years ago. Friend: Why is that? Me: Just think of all the history that I wouldn’t have to learn

• It is said that two wrongs don’t make a right. However, two Wrights did make an airplane and three rights make a left

• I would do my math homework, but I already have my own problems.

• Teacher: How do you spell Mississippi? Student: Which one? The river or the state?

• A Nebraska Huskers fan was in the finals of the state spelling bee. “Okay, your word is ‘farm,’” the moderator said to the Husker. He sat there for a few minutes with a puzzled look on his face. “Um… Can I have a definition?”

“Sure,” the moderator said. “It is a plot of agricultural land, used for the raising of crops and livestock.”

“Uhhh…” The Nebraskan sat there for several more minutes, continuing to ask for alternative pronunciations, word origins, etc. The moderator was getting frustrated. Finally, the huskers fan asked,

“Uh, can you use it in a sentence?” “Old MacDonald had a FARM!” the moderator shouted.

“Oh!” said the Husker. “E-I-E-I-O!”